Instant Chat Love-a-Likes

On the centipedes on a bathroom floor:
"I think we have loads of centipedes under our bath, you know."

On answering the question "How are you?"
"PRETTY DAMN, GOOD MAN"

On racing bicycles built in a specific era:
"bikes from 1950-1978 give me a full bore bonnerfied stonka!"

On boys in bands:
"No dummy spitting. That's a one way ticket to no need central."

On Russel Grant:
"Hey we met that Astrological poofta Russel Grant who strangely and enthusiastically joined in with our singing Happy Birthday around a sparkler stabbed into some desert pud or other, you know the routine."


This poor guy's brain: "Get smart watching Spock and dude, your wife got her g-spot chopped off."